No Excuse Sunday
To make it possible for everyone to attend church this Sunday,
your Church is going to have a special "No Excuse Sunday".
Cots will be placed in the foyer for those who say,
"Sunday is my only day to sleep in."
There will be a special section with lounge chairs
for those who feel that our pews are too hard.
Eye drops will be available for those with tired eyes
from watching TV late Saturday night.
We will have steel helmets for those who say,
"The roof would cave in if I ever came to church."
Blankets will be furnished for those who think the church is too cold,
and fans for those who say it is too hot.
Scorecards will be available
for those who wish to list the hypocrites.
Relatives and friends will be in attendance
for those who can't go to church and cook dinner, too.
We will distribute "Stamp Out Stewardship" buttons
for those that feel the church is always asking for money.
One section will be devoted to trees and grass
for those who like to seek God in nature.
Doctors and nurses will be in attendance
for those who plan to be sick on Sunday.
The sanctuary will be decorated with both
Christmas poinsettias and Easter lilies
for those who have never seen the church without them.
We will provide hearing aids for those who can't hear the preacher
and cotton wool for those who think he's too loud!
Indulgences will be granted
for those who want things in the church back the way they were.
All Masses will start 15 minutes late
so everyone can make it to mass on time.
Coffee and juice will be provided before mass
so you don't get stuck in line at McDonald's.
You may come in your beach attire
so that you will be ready to run for the sun.
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